Feeling Off

Posted: September 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

It’s been a really long time. I feel off and starting to feel bad almost for not thinking clearly in such a long period 10 straight years taking some form of opiate to keep from being sick.
Hope the gloom clears even if its only a few hours.  I know it’s my mind trying to sucker me into getting something.

Just to be clear when I say almost feel bad. Means I don’t regret anything I do. This is how I know mind is fuckin with me.


1st time in10 years

Posted: September 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’m officially down to 5mg of methadone a day. This is the first time i’m not high and not dope sick and sober. A month ago there would of been no way I thought I could get past this. I’ve not been on such a low dosage since I started taking opiates. By now I would of been bangin down some form of opiate.

11 more days of 5mg then 4 days of 2.5 and no more at all.
Don’t feel great but I expected some fatigue and depression. I’m so happy that my life won’t revolve around not getting sick.

I am also taking blood pressure meds when i’m coming off my blood pressure shoots to dangerous for my age, (Flexiril) muscle relaxer for the excruciating leg cramps, something called (Prochlorper) for nausea and vomiting & (Hydroxyzine) for my panic attacks and depression and garbled racing thoughts acute opiate withdrawl & last not least by any means anti-diarrheal 2 for morning 2 before bed The Anti-Diarrheal pills attach to opiate receptors so don’t keep using them once everything is solid . And a multivitamin daily been taking them for a few years now though was doing so because it turns you into a junkie and a junk food eater go figure. I never liked sweets until this shit.

Without these non-narcotic meds for all wd symptoms I probably would have broke and went right back.

Only thing that’s still happening and hasn’t let up is the taste of metal in my mouth. Read a few reports and forums and they say it’s very common.
And incase someone reads this and going through same thing.if you taper slowly with these meds you will not get the agonizing stomach cramps.

Real reason I wanted cams is because it’s cool to see people outside and i’m not. No more accidental door opening when the jehovah witness people come:-)  And if it’s police I can figure out which window to escape. If I were a criminal it would be very important. I could decide to change professions and become some sort of criminal I haven’t decided. Still trying to find a good school for it.

And there are so many to choose from.

Burglar- This would include cool stuff like stealing expensive paintings. Be a cultural thief

Car Theif -This would be good to! A sporty tough guy attitude thief only high end sports cars. “No Car Jackings that shit is str8 ghetto!
Only smooth lifing allowed. Like that Nicholas Cage flick. Except i’d be better gone in 30 seconds. “Fuck you Cage 30 seconds mofo!”

Retail Theft -This is a bit focheeze but I can see it would take some real skillz to not get caught. This would include shenanigans such as smooth ASS  pick pocketing. I can’t think of a cool movie to compare to. Was thinking gangs of NY but i’d look funny in a maids dress. This profession can be a hybrid type Car thief

Then there’s White Collar type thief: This is some straight corporate shit here baby only takin the millions . Straight up Fed prison this profession can also include the bank robber.
Like that other cool flick with Swayze & Bill Point Break. Smooth ass shiz and totally awesome surfing dudes robbing banks. Spells sexy cool! This shit you get the cash & the ladies.

Killer- All types of those you have your standard serial killer or your a professional hitman.
There are big differences between the 2. “Must be somewhat mentally unstable for this job” Serial killer YOU ARE A PARIAH! everyone wants you gone or dead. There is very little benefit except ending up in a book of serial killers for you to be remembered forever You won’t be in a History book with John Adams but you will still be in a book that dates back to Jack The ripper still history my friend. Enjoy it because that’s all you get from this profession . This also requires you to look and act normal this takes time & a lot of practice got to hold a menial job for many years and a volunteer at all times this means attending church joing the parish and dedicating your time there for god.
Now a Professional hitman  this will have it’s ups and downs. The up is you get hired to kill some asshole that doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you and I and you get paid for it. Downside sometimes just got to kill some poor basterd or his wife one or the other hires you for the insurance money or a cheating spouse this isn’t the fun side of the job by any means but hey it feeds your family. The only thing that these 2 types of murderers have in common is both have to keep low end jobs- unseen or unnoticed. Being a nobody is most important thing in these 2 professions. Last but not least both require high or very high intelligence.
Note: The hired hitman isn’t unstable it’s not personal it’s part of the job. Matter a fact you can NOT be unstable and be a hitman.

Almost forgot my FAV criminal job the Religious thief. Like Mike says send me your money! Jimmy & Tammy Faye Baker shit here. You make people feel fuckin good while you take their money! They get their souls saved I get their income this has good benefits as well your looked upon by hundreds as a man of god and most importantly a good, trusting and loving man wink, wink;-).
Even better seen as god this is a whole new level we are talking your won camp in some distant country your followers can’t escape. This one is a shout out to Jim Jones.

Vandalist- Revenge, boredom, and thrill-seeking. This career is a pretty non-making cash pure enjoyment for these types. Includes Tom Foolery such as breaking and smashing up parked cars,painting or breaking any wall or object you see.
This would profession can also include the arsonist another part of vandalism except this one you can enjoy and even make a few bucks.
Hired for insurance scams only. Must be somewhat intelligent.
The arsonists mindset~ “As seen on World Now” Psychologists say it’s difficult to profile an arsonist before they strike, but research is providing more about the mindset.
“There is a little bit of the mentality of let me see if I can do this without being caught and a little taunting that goes on,” he said.

As the fire grows, psychologists believe the flames also spark desires in the arsonist. Studies show some arsonists commit the crime to fulfill sexual fantasies.

“It’s part of their gratification, it’s a little bit of their confused sexuality, a little bit of passion tends to come out in that way,” Beasley said. And I say you can even polish your knob with this one and cross dress.

And since i’m tired of continuing…….


Security Cameras

Posted: September 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’m no professional surveillance installer or anything only did a few on my neighbors house and 3 on my own.

The most important thing is placement unfortunately there are just places inside and outside that just can’t be setup in the perfect place for viewing.

Which means more cameras or can chance it and place decoy cameras. Then if you want a good birds eye view of your back yard you must decide wired or wireless?

There’s a bonus for Wireless no wires to clip, wired better quality video. Negative wireless doesn’t get same picture quality as wired. They say they do but I use 1 wireless and it doesn’t even come close to my wired.  Wired if someone really wants to steal from you or harm your family they can take their time find the wire run and clip it.

This is why placement is important because last thing you want is for the would be thieves to find your cameras blind spots.
Right now I only plan on adding 1 more camera for a total of 4.
Weather I would use or do use decoys i’d never tell;-)

I rarely use ATI/AMD video cards in my computers. But every once in awhile they get it right. Well make a product that really catches me.

Last few Video cards I used were all EVGA Geforce cards. GTX 770, GTX 680 prior to that used the EVGA Geforce 560ti. and used a few more previous generations of Nvidia cards. The FX line I completely skipped and that was the first time I used a ATI  card in my PC the 800 series excellent cards.”Was actually owned by ATI back then” ATI really made their first high performance card that could not only keep up with Nvidia previous and it’s new FX line it straight up smacked the shit out of both the Nvidia 4 series and it’s new FX line at that time.

Today 09/22/2014 Nvidia threw a curve saying the 800 desktop series GPU’s wouldn’t see light until spring 2015. Well They went ahead and skipped the 800 series and have a 980 and 970 GTX cards.

The high end 980 is about $30 more than AMD’s r290x. And so far it looks to perform better than the AMD/ATI 290x.
Why are these cards interesting or a big step for PC gaming? Because the 780ti,Geforce Titan and AMD r290x are the 1st single card solutions that were built to play games in UltraHD. Not all at 60fps but from the scores I’ve seen they average anywhere from 32-45fps at 4k resolutions. The new 980 scores a bit better than the 780ti or the r290.

SHD or UHD monitors are a whole different beast. So i’ll not talk about them much. UHD Aka:4k= 3840 x 2160 resolution. WTF is SHD ? I’m probably the only one that even uses the word “SuperHD ” SHD= 2560 x 1440 or 2560 x 1600 resolutions.

The HD on most TV’s and PC’s today do 720p =1280×720 resolution and 1080i/p=1920×1080.

I purchased the  HIS iPower IceQ X² H290XQM4GD Radeon R9 290X 4GB 512-Bit GDDR5 PCI Express 3.0 x16 early last month. Picked this card not because of the warranty or cost as a matter a fact the warranty is one of the worse I’ve seen

  • Limited Warranty period (parts): 2 years
  • Limited Warranty period (labor): 2 years

When reading and doing my research on the 290x most of the 1st or maybe even 2nd batch of GPUs pressed had major issues with over heating or plain just black screening or not working out of the box. Maybe not all but let me tell you if you do a google search on this matter there are millions of hits.
I prefer using XFX manufactured video card because they give limited lifetime warranties on all their GPU’s.
Unfortunately not only did they average about $75-$120 more they also had a whole lot of reviews stating that the cards were doing exactly what I said earlier. It wasn’t just XFX with these issues almost every manufacturer were using AMD’s  reference build.

The HIS doesn’t match AMD’s reference at all which is good because it stays cool and has heat pipes unlike the AMD reference cards that all other manufacturers used. So running this stock and even a little OC is good to go. There’s a catch here the card should be set to Uber mode at all times. Will explain later

Now for the bad it’s not AMD’s reference design therefore if you want to use your water cooling block on it it’s not going to fit because it’s not reference. I’m sure at some point someone will release one to fit it. May be one is already out there now but until then your old skool HSF.
The cards have dual BIOs and a switch on the side of the video card to either use Standard they call it silent mode or switch the tiny switch the opposite way on the video card and you get uber mode. It comes set on silent after about 15 minutes of stress testing it using Wolfenstein New Order at complete max detail  and also Watch Dogs set at max these 2 games will use up to 3-4gb of vram when textures and shadows are set at ultra. On silent mode graphics corruption started appearing within 15-20 minutes of game play Watch Dogs. Sweating it out a bit at this point restarted PC and then disabled any apps or services not needed. Started new Wolfenstein after 10 minutes or less the whole PC locked up. I repeated this process twice once with WHQL drivers and the beta drivers. Pretty much same issues with both drivers.

You can flip the switch on the AMD r290x while PC is on just have to restart PC after for it to change to uber mode. Once in Uber mode all issues were resolved.

I also did have some issues with hardware due to lightning strike some parts still came back working showing no errrors While Geforce GPU,Mainboard and HDD went down which were all RMAd.

What i’m saying is take my experience with the r290x with a grain of salt. It’s completely possible one of my components could be the reason why I had this issue.

AMD’s Mantle API to be pretty cool. It directly accesses the GPU unlike DirectX 11.2 and under. Now DirectX12 that will probably change i’m sure M$ doesn’t like being behind in the PC games race. Direct access to GPU means that games can be developed almost like a console where it only processes games nothing else. Not quite that good in Windows environment but gives ya an idea what Mantle is all about.

Also interested in Mantle because of SteamOS which is Linux Kernel based which means OpenGL and Mantle will be what will power a true 100% PC gaming machine then it will be like programming for consoles it will use 100% of PC hardware dedicated to nothing else but the game your playing. We all know DirectX will never be on any other OS than Windows OS.

I really do prefer AMD over Nvidia but when it comes to gaming i’ll always buy the video card I like best weather it’s Nvidia or AMD.
Nvidia refuses to just open up PhysX for every type of hardware. And they can do this but instead they lock it down. AMD’s TressFX is open for everyone to use. Nvidia won’t even allow you to use your Graphics card as a dedicated PhysX card if your using an AMD graphics card.
AMD pretty much left Mantle open for use. Nvidia even has made claims that Geforce cards can use Mantle.

I sold a brand new EVGA Geforce GTX 770 SC edition on Amazon.

Opened a seller account a few weeks ago. The video card sold in a weeks time the card was mailed within the 3 days your given to mail or the sale is forfeit.

Sent out on a Thursday with Insurance & tracking arrived to buyers home that Saturday. Amazon wouldn’t allow me to adjust the shipping charge from the $5.95 they have set shipping a video card is heavy so it costs $15.90 that was the cheapest rate I could get.

So I ate $10 now instead of getting what I wanted for the card i’m already $10 and change down.

Then Amazon instantly takes their $23 for using their site for my sale.  Now i’m $33 and change down..Anger is growing as I type!!! arghhhh!!!And the rest of the money which is mine I don’t fucking get for 21 FUCKING DAYS!!!! I’m outraged if I lived by there I would of been in that office with my headball bat cracking fucking desks and computers.

I email them a nice letter only to be told well if you want your money faster and be able to change your shipping charges you can pay us another $40!

In the end it’s my fault I should of read their seller information more deeply. As mad as I am it’s also my own fault for not reading the TOS.

Had to go to see practitioner

Posted: September 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

The withdrawals were so bad the pain and anguish were unbearable. I’m being sedated for awhile till i’m clean.
It’s soo terrible I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. Well if I had any.
Really got myself into some trouble this time that isn’t going to just go away:-( Very depressed hard to imagine it hurts so bad it’s like I felt when my mother died but it’s for a inanimate drug.

I’m so fucking sick to even compare it but it’s exactly how I feel. I’m feeling a deep loss of something that’s done nothing but ruin me and control me.

For the 1st time in 12 years I accept and admit “I’m a dirty junkie”

Decided to type out how I feel. Because it’s hard to say out loud it cuts to deep. It’s like letting it out without the pain and sadness.